In the fall, I will begin a new Special Education teaching role.
I say this with a mixture of fear, joy, and thankfulness. When resigning from my job in October, I was angry. I was hurt. I was deeply confused. I honestly thought, at that time, I was handing over my dreams and plans to the Lord, never to be returned. I spent months praying… screaming at God… trying to figure out what my next steps were. I watched the identity of a teacher slowly and painfully stripped away from me. I, by the empowering of His Spirit alone, surrendered all I knew of myself and my future and patiently (sometimes impatiently) waited to know what to do next. I immersed myself in any Scripture, studies, books, or videos about how to find “your calling”. I tried to imagine myself in a number of different roles or occupations. I spent many nights restless in anxiety. I believed it to be the end of teaching.
Sweetly, though, He simply took the best I had to offer and reworked it into something beautiful and new. I now reach out with eager hands, like a child reaching for a gift at Christmas. I gently take this bundle of His goodness and seek to unfold and unwrap all of its intricate pieces.
I have not, by any means, perfected my areas of weakness, however, He has taught me:
- I do not live for the approval of man, but of God. Yet, I do not have to prove myself worthy to Him, because Christ has already done so.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
“For our sake, he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:21
- I must simply obey God’s leading and trust the Spirit to bring about the fruit. What I view as ineffective or a failure, may be an opportunity for the Spirit to bring about something greater than I can understand. Living my life as a sacrifice means accepting that sometimes doing so looks like sacrificing even my reputation or the picture of myself I’d like others to see.
…“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
- Teaching is a ministry. There is something unique about being granted the opportunity to shape and mold the minds of the future generation. While I may not be able to verbally proclaim my beliefs to my students, I can be a tangible representation of Christ and pray the Spirit uses my acts of love and service to lead them towards Him.
“Do nothing from selfish ambition…Have this mind among yourselves which was in Christ Jesus…emptied himself by taking the form of a servant… humbled himself by becoming obedient… so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven, and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2: 3, 5, 7-8,10-11
In this new season, I hope to return to teaching with these truths tucked into my heart. I hope to pursue each day with a peace, knowing He is my identity. I hope to fight comparison and seek to serve without selfish ambition. I hope to be obedient rather than strive for perfection or approval. This new season, I hope to fully be His and savor the good gifts He has given me. I hope my whole mission is to work towards the end goal that every knee would bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord. I hope to gladly empty myself out day by day, giving the absolute best I have for students and coworkers… not to make my name known, but to make His known. Please pray for me as I move forward with a renewed heart, mind, and soul in a new teaching role!