Unloved. Unappreciated. Unprotected. Unvaluable. Dispensable.
These are all lies that I have believed about myself this week. On Wednesday morning, without a single warning, I was pulled into the office at school and told heartbreaking news. Due to changes in staff and needs present at other schools, I would no longer be able to work at the school I had grown to love so deeply. This school had quickly became my home. The staff and students had quickly became my family. To be told I would have to leave them, in just two short days, was more than my heart could handle. My heart was broken. My nerves were shot. I could barely stomach anything for two days and felt lifeless.
Even worse, I faced the extremely difficult task of letting my students know. I cannot count the number of tears I wiped or shed myself, the number of fears I calmed, and the number of aching hearts I soothed and encouraged (while I felt the exact same way). On Friday evening, I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.
Why would God ever desire for this hurt to be a part of His plan?
Through this time, many coworkers offered hugs, shared tears, prayers, and words of encouragement. Something that many of the sweet people shared was that God had a plan. Initially, I thought — yea, yea… an awful one… one that includes hurt, pain, and anxiety.
But, interestingly enough, despite my sinful heart and view of God, He spoke an even deeper truth into my life:
This school, these coworkers, and these children… yes, even My precious children I have entrusted to you… do not give you life.
He also brought other thoughts to mind — Why am I so heartbroken about this? Why am I unwilling to trust His plan over my own? Are His ways not higher than my ways?
The answer was simple really — I had grown to believe the the lie that my joy was contingent on working in a certain school, with certain people, and teaching certain students. I had idolized my own dreams and desires. I put my happiness above the plan of God to bring all His children to Himself.
“For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.”
He has smiles in a cup for me to savor in this difficult time. He has hidden me in Himself and allowed me to have a greater hope than my job, my own desires, my own plan, and even in the people He has sent me to minister to.
Does that mean that I am no longer hurt? Does it mean that I understand His plan? Does it mean that I do not have any more questions, or that there will not still be days of anxiety, pain, and hurt?
But, what I do know is —
In Him, I am Hidden.
I am Loved.
I am appreciated.
I am protected
I am valued.
I am chosen and treasured.
I am His.
He is a rock that will not move or be ripped away. All other hopes, like my job, can be ripped away, but He remains steadfast.
I can trust His heart and His intentions.